Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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