He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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