A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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