Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
