After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
