I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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