Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
