Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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