I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize