he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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