I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have post one night stand depression
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