Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
