Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
