Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
