I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
