she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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