my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
