cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
