happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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