We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
