Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
