we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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