As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize