Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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