So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
