Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's blow job season.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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