i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize