hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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