Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
