My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
