EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
