We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
