The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
