I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
