week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
