and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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