shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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