On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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