found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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