Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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