You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
