then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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