So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
