i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
