After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize