Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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