you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
