Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
