Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
