So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my vagina is haunted
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
