Do you still have your period?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
