Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
