if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
