My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it's like iHOP with fire
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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