Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
