I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she looked like the before picture.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
