The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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