When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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