All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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