I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
