i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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