Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
