would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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