I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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