He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
