I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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