party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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