Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
